am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize