My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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