So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
There's always time for handjobs
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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