Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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