all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
