somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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