The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
