It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
