they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
