yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
