im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
