Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
