so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
