If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
