if you like me you must not know who I am
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
