he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
