on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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