took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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