He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
