This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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