I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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