An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
