you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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