I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
