Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
