I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
