I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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