whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
