I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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