Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
