We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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