She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
