Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
