Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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