I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
