i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
