Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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