He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
