So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
