so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
