you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
