My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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