margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
