Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
