cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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