Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
