There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
