Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
