i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
wow bdsm is so cute
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
