i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
