i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
