my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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