I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
farters have to be the big spoon...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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