remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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