I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
